A queasy feeling {why I miss camp so much}

I actually planned on going back to camp this summer. But this was before our module called "Working in the Media" started and went on and on about how important it is to do internships during summer, to get in to the media business as soon as possible. Have a foot in the door. Experience.
I knew this, but at the same time I pushed this in to the back of my mind, just because it's easier not to think about it.
Because it's hard and annoying and frustrating, trying to get media jobs: You don't get jobs because you don't have experience and you can't get experience because you don't get any jobs. Fantastic circle of life.
Anyway, so I kind of decided to stay in Edinburgh for the summer and get internships, volunteer at the Fringe festival and all that stuff.  Actually it was the Robbie Williams concert that made me stay for the summer, but oh well. I really am happy with this decision, as it wouldn't be the same at camp: the girls from last year aren't going back either and a lot changed.

Sttilll, I cannot stop thinking about these little moments in camp, moments of pure bliss:

• jumping in to the lake right after our breakfast shift and having it all to yourself
• walking through the woods after it was raining for - never seen anything so lush!
• driving to Walmart on days off and singing non stopp in the car
• taking showers in the outdoor showers
• kids making bracelets for you
• beautiful sunsets
• horse riding with Abby and Heather
• naughty nights out

By now, camp has already started and reading facebook posts from the girls who are at camp is like a punch in the face everytime. I can exactly imagine what they are doing, what way they are walking to the dining hall, singing before every meal, singing all the time basically.
Because it's supposed to be the happiest time for the kids. And even though you don't always feel like smiling, the whole atmosphere is different. Different than in real life, where everyone is grumpy and complaining about work and money and the weather.
Not in camp.

It's hard not to think about it as this super happy place with all your friends. It actually was a summer full of hard and tiring (and poorly paid!) work, bitch fights, kids being annoying, ticks and mosquitos. But my brain likes to push that in to the back of my mind, too.